Do you know what it’s like to be tormented by your own mind?
"Hinter Perfektion steckt Selbstzerstörung."
Despite all the negativity in my head, today I managed to:- Get up
- Brush teeth
- Get dressed
- Watch a movie
- Have a conversation
I feel very uncomfortable telling people my name, it feels so… I don’t even know. Wrong. Even just typing it feels very awkward. It startles me to hear it, type it or have it come up as an autocorrect suggestion while texting.
This is an issue that most people don’t understand — “oh, well, lots of people don’t like their name.” No. That’s like brushing off bipolar as saying that lots of people are moody. It’s not the same thing at all you bloody idiot.
I’ve lost who I am. I can’t even find something I’m passionate about. I don’t know who I am. Don’t know what I want. Don’t know why I’m here.
Sometimes I just want to jump. Climb up over the balcony or onto the bridge or on the roof……. Turn around……close my eyes…. And….. just….let…..go. Peace. That’s what I want. Just peace.
Does anyone else with BPD get attached to people, then its like you just need/want to be around them and know what there doing 24/7.
Grateful for my illness?
I wish I’d never got ill. However, wishing it away won’t change anything. In a way I’m grateful this illness has pushed me to my limits. Whilst I’m still struggling I know that if I can make it through this and recover I can make it through anything! I’d never have chosen this illness or wish it on anyone, but I do think it’s given me more strength than if I’d never become ill.